PARTNER ABUSE & IPV

Predicting Potentially Abusive Partners

This module is not intended to provide information about how to deal with an existing abusive relationship but rather it looks to inform about the early warning signs present in relationships that may indicate hey may become abusive later, making it possible to leave/end the relationship before it does so, and before both parties become overly committed to preserving/maintaining it. As with all social interactions that we have we should start by acknowledging how human-beings are the masters of self-deception and denial. As eternal optimists we want to believe the best about people, especially those who we have or want to have close relationships with e.g., partners and prospective partners etc. This can allow us to make exceptions for a person’s actions and/or behaviors that we shouldn’t really do. We may find ourselves making excuses for the way somebody behaves towards us because we don’t want to see them and ourselves in a particular way e.g., them as an abuser and us as a victim. To avoid the obvious trauma that this would cause us we may convince ourselves that what we are actually experiencing is something else e.g., we may “re-interpret” a hateful, abusive and demeaning statement, such as, “your lucky that somebody as fat as you have somebody like me to love you.”, to be a signal that a partner is so in love with them that they are able to get past the way that they look etc. Rather than take such statements at face value as we should – as a demeaning statement of abuse, inequality, power and control etc. – we convince ourselves otherwise in order to avoid the emotional pain that would come from admitting how somebody actually sees and treats us.

This ability to engage in self-deception is not specific to certain individuals, it is part of who we are as a species. In most contexts it is a “positive” thing as it allows us to interact socially and partner with people to achieve common goals i.e., we give people the benefit of the doubt and tell ourselves that others view us in a positive light in order to get things done and achieve common goals etc., something that is necessary for us as a social species to survive and flourish. However, whilst self-deception and denial may be effective coping mechanism to deal with many situations and scenarios, when we look at who we are attempting to romantically and intimately involve ourselves it is better to be more honest in the way we look at their actions and behaviors towards us, and what they may potentially mean and predict. No abuser starts out in a relationship by initially abusing a potential partner (this would be too obvious), and in many cases even when they engage in such abuse they don’t see or acknowledge that their actions/behaviors are actually abusive. In many cases they will see the way that they act and behave as normal responses to the situations they find themselves in e.g., they have a right to be angry when their partner spends too much time, by their definition, with friends and family etc. Many women who are victimized in this way may “deceive” themselves into thinking/believing that their partner is right, and that they should spend more time at home with them etc.

It is extremely difficult once in a steady and somewhat committed relationship to leave it, especially if there are children involved and/or if a partner controls the finances etc. This is why it is important to be honest with ourselves in the initial stages of a relationship and to acknowledge the warning signals that may indicate the direction in which a relationship could potentially go. It is also important to note that not all abusive and controlling relationships are physical ones. Some abusers may stop at psychological and emotional abuse rather than progressing to physical acts. However, the danger is that when a partner engages in these acts of abuse it is difficult to know whether their abuse will progress to that which is physical. There are signals that individuals display in the early stages of a relationship that can uncover personality traits that predict that a person has certain views and patterns of thinking that can lead to abuse. It is the purpose of this module to explain the different types of abuse, rather than just physical (intimate partner violence), that can be experienced, the ways that abusive individuals view the world and their partners, how abuse conforms to a cyclical pattern, and the things that can be used to predict abusive relationships before they actually develop into them.

This Course Module Is In The Process Of Being Transferred To This Site

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